It's amazing how something little & insignificant to a person, in some stage in life, can change his whole life!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That what she was to me........ Just a few weeks ago...
Now she is the world to me..................Why?

Why did this happen? How can this happen??

Why do I love her so damn much?
Why can't I close this chapter of my life & why do I keep hoping of this dream, which would never come true??

Why can't I ignore 1 human being on this planet & just notice the other 16 billon odd?
Why do I keep coming after her with a heartful of pure love & no ulterior motives AND knowing that i'm going to get hurt in the end?

Why did I fall in love, even without knowing who she really is? (without knowin her very well)
Does that mean that I don't love her for her???
THen what do I love her for?

Or else, does that mean I'm not in love?
It can't be lust!!!! These feelings I keep in this heart aren't dark at all
Just too bright & powerful that I can't even see myself, or anything else which looked wonderful to me then...
In that sense, love IS blind after all.....

Then again, Why her to start with? What's so damn special in her?
How did she do this to me?

Questions unanswered I lay here........... abandonded
Why does a pure love as this be wasted.......... for nothing
Causing harm for me & her, if it anyway mattered to her, what I go through & what I went through
in this short time, which feels like a decade to me......

Out of all the prettiest faces, it's hers which my heart bounded into. Why?

Not given the "official decision" of hers, I still hope for life after the "unofficial" series of sentences which sounded NO. I really shouldn't keep hope should I?

But, even I don't understand, HOW that very small element of hope can help me to survive my whole life!!!!!!!!!
It keeps me running, gives me hope & give me an enomerous amount of energy & happiness each & every day.

It's a part of my life now.......... & I feel I'm going to lose that part.
I would lose that very element which would do what she does.......... & I would miss that

Then again,would it really matter to her,
would she really remember, one day,
THat I loved her unconditionally, upon one very fine day,
& I would continue to do, for how long I really don't know......
Would she call for me? one day. At least for call this love for her, which is hers & hers alone
just to be loved

"Loving unconditonally!"... never knew it existed........................................................................
Thought it just was another lie by the perfectionists around us...
Well, now I know........ that, at least, something close to that exists.........
Defies all logic if you ask me.............In the end it's stupid..........., isn't it?

What I wrote 4 the Christmas Party souverneer

I lay awake
In the middle of the night, on my bed
With the thick veil of darkness surrounding me….

Suddenly, out of the blues,
My mind started drifting away,
To find those snapshots of life,
Sunk deep beneath the sands of time,
Which were thought as lost….. but soon found.

She was an angel in my eyes… and still is
She could make any pain so with one single look, miraculously.
she could keep me up in those very long nights
of thought
just like tonight…. But a long time ago…

I never thought it’ll go this far then….
When I first met her.
We became friends, soon after
And then… best friends
Too soon, actually
But then again, was it?
Or did time pass, just too fast.

So… there we were, me and her
Strictly best of friends
But soon…
Dreams at night and thoughts at day
Of her
Changed me
Day by day… night by night…
And soon
I was in love!

But I couldn’t say it… not to her face,
Looking at that playful gaze
And her friendly smile.
So I put it to paper
Like arranging flowers to make a decoration like none other…..
I wrote

But all of these thoughts
None she left, as deep as I.
She searched for the friendship
That we once had

So I agreed….
Let’s be friends’…
But… by heart disagreed
The will of my brain
And kept falling in love, all over again.

Soon… tried in an attempt to remain sure
In the middle of constant battles
Between my own heart and my brain
I made up my mind.
With greatest heartache,
I let go of her.
To not to let her be touched
By feelings growing from the depths of my heart
I let go of her…
The greatest love of mine.

Years have passed, since I walked down that lane but scars still remain.
I’ve gone numb
And I can’t see a girl, the way I saw them then
Love didn’t find me afterwards… best faces.
In this long lane of time
Of loneliness and suffering
I wait… in pain
For survival

GD
BIT
Semeter I

Level I